Cardenio Online Hubbub Monday, June 2, 2008: Weddings Gone Awry

We’ve asked our audience to reveal their best stories of weddings gone awry. What stories do you have?

“My own wedding went awry—at least I think so after 29 years of marriage and pending divorce.  We only had seven guests, and no parents came, and none were invited.  The photographer was a wedding gift from a friend, and he appeared in most of the photos wearing a hat with horns.  The maid of honor was the newly-dumped girlfriend of a guest who brought his new girlfriend who eventually married and dumped because he didn’t want children.  The groom’s brother was best man, and the groom’s sister who was gay was in attendance, being “hit upon” by the photographer in the horned cap.  The bride (yours truly) and the groom had to be approved by the then-City Clerk of New York (who later became Mayor Dinkins) because both had lied about being married before in order to expedite marriage.  They had been legally divorced, but just didn’t say so.  But when interview by the man who was to marry them, the prospective groom said he could not tell a lie (his one act of honesty) and said he and I had been married before.  The bride-to-be (yours truly), was humiliated but determined not to let the groom-to-be get away with such a low-brow way of trying to ditch the marriage.  So we got married in our apartment and celebrated on our deck with nuns and students cheering us on from the Catholic school next door.  We danced the night away, never had a wedding night that was consummated, and the groom’s sister (a nurse) faked a broken arm so she could claim that that kept her in New York for another day or two before going back to work in Atlanta. Of course, she had to wear the plaster cast we made for her for six weeks in order to cover the deceit.  The bride and groom stayed married for 29 years and should be divorced within the next few months. All’s well that ends well.    P.S.  The bride never consummated any of her marriages on the wedding nights.  That first marriage wedding night was spent sleeping in a used car parking lot in Connecticut.  But that is another story….” – Dianne V.



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