final angel notes from the old new world (cambridge) – 37

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monday december 18, 2006 12:10AM

just left the gang at tommy doyle’s. much life left in the evening but. . . the body and mind and heart slow to the end. craving solitude. the pain in the right hamstring from my high kick. so appropriate to injure this on the last day. tempted fate on so many moves during this show. this little injury is good to slow me down. it takes a certain energy to heal. slowness. quiet.

i leave on the 11:40 train in the morning.

this final entry. should have some import. some summing up. perhaps in the morning. right now, it’s over and i don’t feel a thing. except this general sadness to do with death. sleep come free me. this beautiful journey is now over.


icing the hamstring. so exhausted seeing the onion cellar last night, couldn’t appreciate it. such talent though. these dresden dolls and company. for most of it couldn’t penetrate the coldness of the cabaret. the final song. all those voices. all those stories. separate stories. finally uniting in one song. i liked this.

i only have a couple hours to pack and get the fuck out of dodge. cab should pick me up at 11. train leaves at 11:40.

to sum up; thank you. hadewych and mam danced like angels at the foot of the blues band last night. we all looked on so proudly. these magnificent women. the joy and abandon. the power of these women.

“something will happen, something important tonight, cassiel, she’ll teach me everything.”

the women who have been involved with this wings of desire have saved it. ola, dirkje, loesje, noraly, robin, frieda, mam, hadewych, petra, annetje, amanda, amy, moira, edith, vera, loes, ingrid, kati, kat, more. . .

renate. inviting big love. strength. courage. patience. compassion. thank you.

the brilliant men; jesse, mark, andy, fedja, fred, andris, stephen, gideon, chris, tracy, chris, robert, ivo, wouter, jay, william, reyer, niko, sander, peter, pieter, david, david, more. . .

something solid. inviting depth. demanding connection.

“this wonderment, man and woman has made a man of me. . . i. . . know. . . now. . . what. . .no. . . angel. . . knows. . .”

i leave this project with an expanded heart. a more tolerant patient heart. i leave with an appreciation of chaos. a deeper belief in letting go. a deeper belief in choice. that there is the will. the free will. the need to participate with an open heart. to be in the stream.

to live in the heart of the mess with love.

i wanted to say something more profound to do with love and forgiveness and meeting people where they are without judgment but rather wonder, with curiousity at the miracle and beauty of our brothers and sisters and the Love of God. the unfailing Love of God and that belief in these angels, the proof of these angels is strong evidence for this God.

time to Love. to believe in Love. to believe that peace is possible. in some good small way.

onward. . . see you soon. with all my love and deep gratitude,



One Response to final angel notes from the old new world (cambridge) – 37

  1. kamelorum says:

    Hi. I don’t know if you’ll ever actually see this, but I’ve been wanting to say something to you since I saw _Wings_ one Saturday afternoon and was transported by it, and, in particular, by your performance. I kept meaning to write you, but couldn’t find any way to, until Heather Helinsky, ART dramaturg and my friend and downstairs neighbor, suggested I simply comment here. Therefore, below is reproduced the “open letter” I wrote to you in my other blog, linked below. All the best to you.

    Dear Bernie,

    Forgive my familiarity. I saw Wings of Desire at the ART in Cambridge on Dec. 17, the matinee performance, and was struck by the light that seemed to emanate from you as the angel, Damiel. The character’s longing; his carnal desire without knowledge of carnality; his combined innocence, passion, and long-ranging yet necessarily incomplete understanding of the world – all of it brought me right along with him: that desire to fully experience, to touch the world, to be Here Now (“and Now, and Now, and Now…”). The performance affected me deeply, and if anything, Damiel’s longing and finally, achievement of contact with Reality brought me ever-closer to the immediate, and thus, to the infinite – an irony of the rare non-bitter variety.

    I stayed for the post-production discussion, and when you came out to join it, you and I shared a brief smile that was, to me, one of those completely genuine human interactions – as if our souls connected in space for 5 seconds or so in total understanding, then moved on. In a more earthbound sense, it seemed simply to be that you caught my eye accidentally, saw the broad smile of appreciation I had plastered on my face, and returned it, recognizing it as the highest praise. Nonetheless, in the moment I felt a strong, if momentary, connection, such as those we sometimes have when a stranger in the street really looks at us, with none of his defenses in place, and we look back the same way, and then suddenly, it’s over, yet we are changed, having opened our doors to another for just a moment. Most of all, though, I could see in that single smile, before all of the things you said in the discussion that confirmed it, that the light I had seen wasn’t just Damiel’s – it was fully and completely yours.

    I finally got around to checking out your blog, especially since your bio indicated you had founded a theatre dedicated to the sacred in art. It made sense to me; it seemed to me that your approach to the character Damiel was based in something that was very real to you, and that your spirit was completely in the role. I noticed your comments on Advent – the bringing of the light to the darkness. I celebrate Yule at the winter solstice, myself, and my tribe and I keep the fires going all night, the longest night of the year, until the pendulum swings back. It pleased me to see echoes, in your Catholicism, of my own spirituality, though my relationship with the Catholic faith in which I was raised is fairly fraught, and I am now Pagan. It is always inspiring to see deep thoughtfulness and criticism coupled with strong belief. Also thrilling to see another fan of Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits.

    I apologize if this letter seems obsessive; I promise I’m not a stalker. I just wanted to express my genuine appreciation, admiration, and, in that sense that applies to all humanity as well as to those who simply seem to “get it,” love.

    Love, therefore,

    p.s. Your last entry asks: “What to do with the beard afterward?” Keep it. It’s hot.

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