wednesday november 15, 2006 10:48AM
in this transition time i haven’t even settled on what i should call these notes. and from where. where am i? i still haven’t unpacked.
“it took an age for the river to find it’s bed”
we have begun. the enemy is fear. today we work on/play with my becoming human. begin/continue this life long process.
frieda saw john malkovich walking on brattle street. john and i re-united. i stalked john when he was doing BURN THIS in los angeles. invited him to my wedding. saw the production about 15 times just to watch his gift. i won’t be seeking him out, while here in cambridge. too busy becoming a man.
i pray we can win and earn and live and work in each other’s trust. it seems there are wounds of amsterdam that need dressing or time to heal. there is a call to bigness and love. and there is fear.
“onward, into the ford of time, the ford of death.”
today’s responsorial psalm at mass this morning was;
“the Lord is my Shepherd, of whom shall i be afraid.”
we all truly have to enter the stream. immerse ourselves. swim, stay afloat and help each other to not drown.
invited wim to cambridge. gave him the dates. exploring the possibility.
i googled news of sarita this morning. not a good sign. seems she might be in india.
“Lord, grant me the serenity. . .
time to go to work.
thursday november 16, 2006 9:55AM
the pains in my body whisper and shout. the shins, the shoulders, the hips, the hips, the fingers, the feet. this becoming human is a bitch.
rehearsal yesterday was good. even fun. good talk. i felt safe doing the long improv. i felt supported by everyone. especially beautiful ola. this collaboration is full of very different ideas regarding the ending of our play. the extremes are those that want no words and those that want all the words. i want all the words.
but i also want all the clarity in image and action that this is a story about the healing and saving power of the love between a man and a woman. the obedience to a choice.
i’m going to get my harvard id now. it is the first step on my way to getting my diploma. to becoming human.
i miss renate.
friday november 17,2006 12:34AM
outside the wind blows in spurts. a summer wind coming from somewhere other than here.
watched matrix revolutions with andris. he was really concerned about the little girl. my daughter in the film. he wanted that she be all right.
bad rehearsal tonight. after two good rehearsals today. ended on a bad note. two of three, not bad.
just don’t want to imitate fedja. but also don’t want to deny what has entered my blood stream that makes sense. also don’t want to be rushed. don’t want to be pressed for time and then settle on bad decisions. time to let go and sleep.
wake in the morning to a whole new thing. saw kevin bacon and kyra sedgewick walk past on brattle street.
a new day.
“today’s the day for courage, babe,
tomorrow’s for forgiveness.”